Sorry, but no pictures.

First, let me just say that I can't believe I forgot to take my camera to Ryan's first day of Pre-K. I walked in and it immediately hit me. I've always taken pictures. I am so disappointed. So, this morning I said I would take pictures and just say they were from his first day. In 20 years no one would know the difference. Argh!! I drove up to the school and that's when I remembered the camera. I guess I'll have to pretend that day four of Pre-K is the first day and hope that in 20 years we're all laughing about it.

I am always proud of my son. Even when he is at his worst I am thankful that he has the ability to have that tantrum or be stubborn. But I wish that I could fully express to you where I am mentally right now. We've established that I was anxious about Ryan going to pre-k. My anxiety was so bad on Sunday night that I withdrew into my own thoughts and by the time I went to bed my stomach was in knots and I couldn't sleep. When I finally did go to sleep I had weird dreams. Weird dreams about my teeth being crooked and Rourk telling me he couldn't fix them.
Monday morning I put on a smiley face and got Ryan ready like it was going to be the best day ever. He's in a great mood. I dress him smartly in a polo shirt. You know, he's got to dress the part. That six mile trip from our house to the school was a long one. My mantra was "Keep smiling. It's going to be the best day ever." "Keep smiling. It's going to be the best day ever. I take him to his room. He's greeted by Mrs. Hallman. I stay for 2 or 3 minutes. Ryan immediately sits at a table and begins rolling out play dough and cutting it with a pizza cutter. He hardly takes the time to look up and tell me goodbye. I take a few moments to compose myself in the car before going to Rourk's office. While I am there I can't concentrate. I stare at my cell phone as if I believe they are going to call me at any moment to tell me something is wrong. I carry it with me each time I go to the back to check on something. I look at it over and over to make sure I didn't miss a call. FINALLY, it's time to go pick him up. Finally is actually only 2 hours and 45 minutes later. I go in and Ryan is sitting at the table with his chin resting on his hands and his book bag is at his side. When he sees me he jumps up, grabs his bag and says, "Mommy!" I briefly speak with the teacher. She said he had a great day, didn't talk much, took forever to eat his snack, but nothing like-- he was climbing the walls, hit a kid (not that Ryan hits) and we found him wondering the halls three times.

We did this all over again today, but with less anxiety on my part. I didn't repeatedly check my cell phone. I didn't wring my hands in angst all morning. I was okay. When I went to get him today, he was sitting on a wooden bench beside another little boy reading to him in the same manner he reads to Lilly. He was pointing to the words, and moving his finger along while jabbering away. His friend was paying close attention as if he understood every word. I spoke with Mrs. Hallman and she said he had another good day. She seemed very happy to share that Ryan was standing at the slide and counting "one, two, three" and then instructing his classmates to "go" down the slide.

So, you see, I am prouder than proud. I am bursting at the seams. I told him tonight at dinner that he's the best and that if it all went down hill from here I'd still be proud of him. And then we all thanked God for Ryan's success, for watching over him the last two days and for blessing him with this opportunity.