School.

If you have been reading my blog for very long then you know that I struggle to make decisions about which school setting is the best for Ryan. I know I analyze it too much and I make it too hard, but that's just my nature. I have been handling major decisions in this manner all my life and I am not about to change now.

The dilemma: What to do next year? Attend the Meyer Center only, continue at the Meyer Center and at Berea First Baptist Kindergarten, or go to public school. I must also add that we considered Montessori.

I came to the computer tonight intending on sharing my struggle and trying to make you understand the jumble of thoughts that have crowded my mind the past few weeks and even months as I have researched school options for Ryan. I have decided instead to skip all of that because fortunately for me the struggle is over and a decision has been made for next year. Ryan is going to attend The Meyer Center for Special Children and also attend Berea First Baptist Kindergarten. That's exactly what he is doing this year. It was actually the trip to a local Montessori program that helped me realize that Ryan is already where he needs to be for right now. The kindergarten program at the church is an excellent program and Ryan is doing well there. I don't think I have to tell you again that we've had a wonderful experience at The Meyer Center as well.

So, what happened at the Montessori? First, I believe Montessori is a wonder concept for learning and I was very impressed with what I saw that day. I was actually blown away by it all to tell you the truth. Still am. I left the school pleased with the staff that I talked to that morning and encouraged because the director invited me to bring Ryan for a visit too. But, I also left the school feeling a bit uneasy about my conversations. I don't know that I can explain my uneasiness, but after thinking about it, discussing it with Rourk, and sharing my experience with Anne; I came to the conclusion that the structure of the Montessori classroom would be difficult for Ryan.

Let me give you one example, but keep in mind that I could give you many more if you need convincing. Built into the corner of the classroom was a loft. It had stairs that went to a sitting area with a couch and books. It took me a few minutes to realize that only two children could be upstairs at a time and they know this because two passes are at the foot of the steps. If the passes are missing then no one else can go upstairs. I don't think Ryan could get this in a million years.

I also had this feeling that the director sincerely wants to enroll a child with cognitive disabilities, but I don't think she understands what that truly means. It sounds good, you know, to incorporate diversity into the school, but I just don't feel they are ready for it. I think what they know about Down syndrome is the same or not much more than what is known by the general public. I know I sound judgmental and that's not fair of me after spending only a few hours there, but all and all it came down to my gut feeling. There is also a part of me that's selfish. See, Ryan is the first child at Berea First with a cognitive disability and it has been stressful for me. It is fine now and I know he is safe and loved dearly there, but I spent the first two or three months of the school year listening for my phone to ring or anticipating a bad report when I'd go to pick him up. So, when I heard that the Montessori has not had a child with a cognitive disability either, I decided I didn't have the energy to go through that again.

So that's that. As soon as I talked with the director at Berea First Baptist and we made a plan for the fall; I found the stress floating away. It was morning when I talked with her and by the time I went back at noon to pick Ryan up word had spread that Ryan would be returning in the fall. Mrs. Hallman had already shared positive words with Mrs. Peace. Mrs. Peace is smiling and happy about having Ryan in her classroom next year. It feels good and sometimes that is reason enough to make a decision.