Change.

I fully expect Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear to knock on my door one day. I have known for awhile that my wardrobe is in dire need of an overhaul. I know this simply because the last time I shopped on a regular basis was while Rourk was in dental school and I was working for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. He graduated four years ago this June. That was the last time I had to have "real clothes" as I like to call them. I had to wear business attire everyday and at least once a week I had to wear a suit to a meeting or luncheon. Those were the days when I wasn't spending close to $100 a month on diapers and over $200 on gasoline. I didn't have two children clinging to me most of the day either.

I do pick up a few new items from time to time, but right now my wardrobe can be categorized in two ways: jeans, shorts, solid tees and my work day throwbacks. When Rourk first purchased his dental office and I went to work there the throwbacks were still fairly new, then I wore maternity clothes for many months, then I didn't work at all for almost a year after Lilly was born and that's when I stocked up on jeans and t-shirts. Now I am at the office nearly everyday and the throwbacks aren't cutting it.

I also think I need a change. (Ya' think?) Each morning when I get to the office I take a look at myself in the mirror and I am usually surprised at how haggard I at 9am. I admit it doesn't help that my kids usually put me through the ringer before I can get out the door. There are only two of them; I know, but every morning it is something. Some mornings it is several things. Twice this week I had to give Lilly a bath. I almost always fight with Ryan to get him dressed. This morning I actually put him in the van without a shirt and I let him dress himself once we arrived at the Meyer Center.

Then yesterday Ryan stood on the couch behind me while I was getting Lilly dressed and announced "Mommy. I fix hair." He said this as he was running his fingers through my hair in the opposite direction of the part. When he finished he said. "There. Better." Now, how is that supposed to make me feel? I am sure if he could say gray he would have told me all about my gray hair too.

So I have a plan to do better. My first goal is to clean out my closet and take everything that I haven't worn since having Lilly to Goodwill. That's going to be a ton of stuff, more than half the way I see it. I figure I have to clean up so I can have a place to put the new stuff. Unfortunately cleaning up is going to be the easy part and the only way I'll be motivated enough to go shopping. I don't like to go shopping in stores anymore; I have become accustomed to buying just about everything online except for groceries. I'd probably do that too if it were available in our area.

I wrote the above paragraphs a few days ago, but never got them posted. Here's a quick update.

This morning Lilly had a doctor's appointment at 10:40 a.m. Since I had to drop Ryan off at school at 9:00 a.m. I decided to kill time doing a little shopping. Little is the key word; I shopped for exactly 20 minutes before grabbing a few things and leaving the store. Part of the reason was because Lilly wanted to touch everything and didn't want me to hold her. The other reason was because I didn't like anything in the store. I'd see a blouse print or style that I liked but once I took it off the rack for closer inspection I'd see that the designer ruined it by placing a strand of shiny beads along the hem or a it had a plunging neckline. I must have looked at twenty blouses then rejected them for stuff like that. As I said earlier, I did buy a few things hastily, but I fully expect to take some of them back. I was actually thinking this as I was checking out because I carefully placed the receipt in a safe place in my wallet. My trip reiterates the fact that I am going to enjoy cleaning out my closet more than shopping to fill it up again.

And I didn't hear what I wanted at Lilly's doctor's appointment either. Thankfully her eardrum has healed nicely, but she still has infection in that ear and the other one is infected too. Dr. Few believes the bacteria has developed a resistance to the antibiotics and prescribed a new one today. If it doesn't work he wants to refer Lilly to an ENT. I have this sinking feeling tubes are in her future.