The other day a friend of mine shared a conversation she had with someone about her child with a disability. I am not going to go into the details for fear of exposing too much, but during the conversation that "someone" said a rendition of this, "I don't know why you are so worried about that; it is not like your child is going to know the difference." I have had conversations with this person myself and knowing her like I do she might as well have said, "Your kid is retarded and he's not capable of caring or knowing the difference."
This story has stayed on my mind for days because it goes to show how little people know about individuals with disabilities and especially cognitive disabilities. It has also stayed on my mind because this person is a professional and it reminds me of how much work still needs to be done to educate the community about disabilities. Each time Ryan has done something remarkable this week I've wanted to call that person up, tell them about it and then say, "Does that sound like a kid that doesn't care, or doesn't know the difference?"
I have wanted to tell her that:
I find it remarkable that Ryan told Lilly to make a wish while pointing his magic wand at her.
I find it remarkable that Ryan watched Harry Potter for twenty minutes the other day and then pretended to cast a spell on Lilly when she wouldn't stop crying at the dinner table. He told her, "Stop crying, Lilly." When she did not he held his arms out straight, waved his fingers and made a whooshing-wind like sound toward her.
I find it remarkable when Ryan notices that I am sad he'll come up to me, give me a hug and tell me to "Be Happy, Mommy."
I find it remarkable that Ryan will ask us if we are okay after we've coughed or sneezed or bumped into a piece of furniture. He never misses a cough or a sneeze.
I find it remarkable that Ryan will share his favorite treats with Lilly even when we don't ask him to do so.
Ryan has this intuitive awareness of the world around him. I believe he actually knows more about his emotional side than he does about colors and shapes. He doesn't seem to miss anything and it all matters to him. It also matters to my friend's child and all the children I know with disabilities. Let us be reminded of that and let us not forget.
5 comments:
Wonderful post, Marcy! I find Ryan to be a remarkable boy overall.
And if he ever figures out a magic spell to make a person stop crying would you please, please, please let me know?
I agree with your friend Anne. Ryan in indeed remarkable, as is his mother who never ceases to find the wonder in all the amazing things her children continue to learn.
Thanks for sharing. Our society has a long way to go to accept differences as just that- differences not inadequacies.
Kelly
Marcy: I am guilty sometimes when I'm worrying about Spencer and wondering what to get him @ Christmas.....I said to my mom, I don't think he realizes it's Christmas and he won't care what he gets as long as he can unwrap presents." But I like you also know that my son's emotional side is much more in tune then the so called "typical" child. Spencer's teacher the other day said to me "Spencer has taught me so much." That made me cry because our kids teach more than any other person can....they teach us to tolerate, care, love, squeeze when they hug, get along, share, hold hands just because, relax, take time to enjoy the simple things and lots more! People may not believe our kids "could care less", but actually they care more than any other human beings!
What a great post Marcy - thank you. I sometimes feel as though my backbone is still growing when I hear comments similar to that.. I often wonder if it is just "us" going through things like this too. And though I do not know Ryan that well, the little I know and the rest that I have read makes me smile and know that he is indeed a remarkable little boy just like all of your friends have said.
Thank you for the comment by the way - perhaps we can all have a coffee together one of these mornings..
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