My joy.

We don't eat at our dining room table.  We've had it for three years and I think we've eaten at it three times.  We eat almost all of our meals at a dinette that we picked up right after we got married while living in Stevenson, Alabama.  We bought it at this little furniture store called Bogart's.  I liked the table and I liked that we were buying from a business in our local community and it fit our budget.

But this post isn't about my worn out table, it is about the dining room table that I begged for the summer I was pregnant with Lilly and what it has done for me.   It has sat in the dining room collecting dust for three years, so over our Christmas break I decided to display a collection of family photos on it.  I spent an entire afternoon going through everything from prints that we had from formal studio sessions, to snapshots that I had taken in our backyard.  I picked out my favorites, framed them and now they are sitting on our barely used dining room table. 

I didn't anticipate the impact this project would have on me.  I didn't anticipate lingering at the doorway as often as I have or looking over my shoulder into the room as I heat my coffee in the microwave just to scan the photographs that span my family's years together.  I've stood there for sometimes five minutes or more sipping my coffee and reminiscing about life with Rourk and our children.  I had no idea that looking at a bunch of old photographs would bring me so much joy.

The photographs are also affirmation that our family is full.  Full of laughter, togetherness, joy and most of all Love.  Years ago Rourk dubbed us "Team Freeman."  And during tough times we've made these corny jokes about how Team Freeman can get through anything.  When Rourk and I were at the hospital trying to find our footing after the shock or Ryan's diagnosis we came together as Team Freeman.  I remember sitting beside Rourk while he was holding Ryan in his palms and he said that Ryan didn't ask to have Down syndrome--it wasn't his fault and that our job was to do all that we could to make sure he's happy.  It was a decree.  Of all the things that Rourk said during those first few weeks to comfort us that was the one that made the biggest impression on me.  I haven't always been true; I have parenting moments that I am not proud of, but I hope that when Ryan and Lilly reach adulthood and I am gone they can say to themselves and others that there was joy, happiness and all the other wonderful things I mentioned above in our family. 

When I look at the photographs I see strong, independent children that know without question that they are loved above all else.  The other day a friend of mine told me that Ryan and Lilly are always so happy in all the pictures she sees of them.  I read way more into that comment than she intended, because for me it was a compliment.  I like to think of it as a reflection of what Rourk and I are doing as parents.  My hope, my prayer is that we are building a foundation that will carry them into adulthood possessing the same character that I see as I gaze upon the photographs on my dining room table.

So to Rourk, Ryan and Lilly. Thank you for being my love and my joy.