This has been a tough week for me, one filled with less sleep, new schedules and new kids. Of course I don't really have new kids, but it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ryan and Lilly both started new school programs this past week. Just a few days before that Ryan started going to the potty by himself and Lilly emphatically said she is a big girl and that's the reason she is no longer in Miss Jennifer's classroom. Lilly wants to pick out her own clothes, wash her hair by herself and she can hold her own (most of the time) to her big brother. They wouldn't be seen on the baby swings at the park if you paid them and they play games on the computer. Ryan has to wear a belt and tuck in his shirt at school and Lilly insists on carrying her lunch in the new pink bag I got her. It is as if they have now shed the last remnants of babyhood and are moving like runaway trains into childhood.
This realization has brought tears to my eyes not once, but several times as I've worked to get into our new routine. It's exciting to see them grow up and I am proud of all that they've accomplished, but it's sad to hear them tell you, "No mommy, don't hold my hand. I be careful. I do it." We were at the park today when Ryan told me these words as I tried to help him go down the steps on the playground equipment. He meant what he said and all I could do was stand there holding my breathe and watch as he took each step to the ground.
I am learning that letting go is a big part of motherhood, and that I must stand close by so that when they need me I can be easily found.
2 comments:
Awesome! I too have had to learn to let go. Last week we drove our "baby" to his first week of school....college that is. I watched as he walked away from our car starting the new part of his life and for an all too brief moment I saw my little brown eyed baby in his Blue Batman shirt, matching shorts and shoes waving his little hand yelling back at me "I'll be home soon Mommy". Then suddenly it dawned on me he was correct Thanksgiving isn't all that far away. As I looked one more time I saw my grown boy in his black t-shirt, favorite jeans and his flip flops walking away suddenly turning around waving his now large hand with the look in his brown eyes and I could almost hear him say "I'll be home soon Mommy". Its hard but I've come to the realization that no matter how many miles that are between us all I have to do is close my eyes and I can see him and I will always feel his love in my heart.
Geesh, you've both made me tear up today.
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