I am strong.

I took Ryan and Lilly outside for a few minutes this afternoon. It was probably around 40 degrees but I decided a bit of fresh air would do us all good. So there we were in the backyard bundled from head-to-toe in gloves, scarves and coats with the hoods pulled snugly around our heads.

As we stepped out on to the deck I immediately regretted my idea because I could feel the cold penetrating my jeans and sending a chill through me. I wished that I had put a movie on instead and encouraged Ryan and Lilly to snuggle together under a blanket in the den, but it was too late to change plans because Ryan and Lilly were already racing across the backyard to investigate Rourk's newly planted trees.

I ventured into the yard and stationed myself so that my back was to the sun. I stood there soaking up the precious warmth provided by the late afternoon rays and listening to my children. They lost interest in the trees within a few minutes and moved on to play a game that I like to call, "I Am Strong." The rules are simple: find a stick, pry rocks or clods of dirt out of the ground and exclaim with arms raised in the air, "I am strong."

I enjoyed watching them play together, but listening to them talk with each other was by far better.

Ryan: "Lilly. Look. Rock." and as he successfully pried it out of the ground, "Lilly, Ryan strong."

Lilly: "Strong Ryan." She then shows him a clod of dirt. "Ryan. Look rock."

Ryan: "No Lilly. That's dirt."

Lilly: "Oh, dirt." As she tossed it over her shoulder and made her way after him.

They talk about big rocks and small rocks and throwing rocks and dinosaurs and there was even a "Whew! That was close.' from Ryan as he sailed a rock through the air and nearly hit Lilly in the head with it.

And they talked about music and I was most impressed...

Ryan: "Lilly. Stop it! Listen." He said this as he cupped his hand to his ear. What he heard was hammers from a nearby construction site. He continued by saying, "Listen. Lilly. It's music."

Lilly: "Music" she nodded in agreement. She then took her stick, held it to her lips and pretended to play a flute with it. She did her best to make a whistling sound while bobbing her head back and forth to the beat.

Ryan followed her lead and turned his stick into an imaginary trumpet and they marched in place while he sang Baa, Baa Black Sheep.

Now that Lilly is getting older I have been giving them more time to just be together without interruptions or interventions from me. I let them play together and fight together and just hash it out sometimes whether that be when they are working out the rules of a game, who's turn it is to play with a coveted toy, or where they will sit at the dinner table. It's my idea of bonding, of knitting themselves together during the good and bad. There will come a day when they will have to depend on each other. My goal is not for this dependence to be one sided. I don't want Lilly feeling as if she is giving and not receiving from Ryan. I want her to understand that her gifts will be different; she may be responsible for guiding Ryan through life and helping him to make decision that most sibling do not have to consider. I want her to understand that Ryan has gifts inside of him, too. He will present her with unconditional love and loyalty, laughter and joy.

He will give her challenges that will test her strength and quite possibly her courage. I hope it is at those times that she can reflect on her childhood and call upon the games they played together and remember "I am strong."